Lessons in Clay July 2, 2008

I like dirt.  I like the organic smell of it, the gritty feel of it, the life that is found in it and that comes through it.  I don’t even mind it when it gets under my fingernails.  I admire how it not only embraces what is placed within it, but accepts the changes that are placed upon it.  It is pliable and moldable, and, even when hardened, it is not permanent.  It can be re-worked when you add water.  Maybe I like dirt most of all because it reminds me of myself and who I desire to be. 

 

Admission December 24, 2007

 

Wow.  It has been a long time since I have visited this space.  But, that is not what I mean by admission.  Anyone who has been on a journey, either physical or spiritual will understand that it often takes time (sometimes far longer than we understand) to process through the happenings, circumstances, and lessons of the experience.  My last blog was about Latvia, thus this post will pick up where that post left off.  It begins with the plane ride.  On my trip from The Windy City to Warsaw I had the privilege of sitting next to a college student going on a site-seeing trip.  I noticed she walked with some difficulty, but upon looking closer she had two prosthetic legs.  She had been in a tragic accident only a few years earlier where she lost both of her legs from the knee down and left one of her arms badly crippled.  As we continued our journey together from Chicago to Warsaw, she very candidly told me of life after no legs.  I asked her about her recovery and learning to walk again.  She said something I will never forget.  She said, “Learning to walk wasn’t the hard part.  Admitting that I didn’t have legs anymore was.”   

Learning to love is not the hard part.  Admitting that I hate is.  Learning to forgive is not the hard part.  Admitting that I harbor unforgiveness is.  Learning to care is not the hard part.  Admitting that I am calloused to suffering is.  Learning to hope is not the hard part.  Admitting that I do not believe is.  Learning to show grace is not the hard part.  Admitting that I too require great grace is.  Learning to give is not the hard part.  Admitting that I am selfish is. 

Redemption Story May 14, 2007

              

I am going to Latvia this summer.  In a very small way this redemption story could begin and end with that sentence.  I can’t put into words how hard of a year this has been for me.  I have dealt with illness, death, and my own rebellion against the One who loves me most.  Yet, in the end, He loves me.  In the end, He still wants me.  In the end,  He still has plans for me.  In the end, He has never been far from me.  Going to Latvia is not by any means how I gauge these things, but it is a gift that I did nothing for in return.  There is something redeeming to me about having such a difficult year, yet getting this beautiful opportunity, this totally undeserved opportunity to go back.  The only conclusion I can come to is that He loves me.  He has not just redeemed me on the cross, but He continues to bring redemption to my life’s story, and in that redemption I quit desiring to run away from Him but towards Him…not because I am going to Latvia, but because He loves me.

Identity March 24, 2007

May there still be thousands of them who, in the plan and way assigned them, and in the orders into which you have called them, without leaving their way of worship and forming a new church for themselves, prove their identity as inward men and women of God, as members of your invisible and true body before all people, for your own sake.  Amen.-Zinzendorf

The US According to the World January 21, 2007

          This is a map of the United States that I found on a blog by a Danish man named Carl Stormer where each state’s economic output is compared to another country’s GDP.  It is quite interesting compared to the fact that we are one of the wealthiest nations in the world, yet some of our states are among the ranks of third world countries.      

Climbing Mount Everest January 20, 2007

I love people of other cultures!  I was just outside getting stuff out of my car when I saw a woman from China who lives in my aunt’s apartment building.  She was cleaning off the stairs to her apartment with a hammer and a spatula.  When I asked her how she was doing, she said, “Great.  Just climbing Mount  Everest.”  It made me smile, still does.

Getting Rid of the Annoying Pop-up January 17, 2007

Okay, I don’t know why the annoying pop-up “Snap” is on my blog, but I do know how to get rid of it.  If you do not see this pop-up, ignore this blog…  If you do see this pop-up, on the pop-up, go to options.  From options choose to disable.  Then, hit refresh on your toolbar.  It should be gone.  I don’t know about you, but it was driving me CrAzY!

I Would Much Rather Have God Want Me… January 16, 2007

…than have God use me. -Rich Mullins

Why is this so hard? Often I would much rather be used by God than wanted by God, working my way through the Kingdom. But the opposite is so much more beautiful, but more difficult to believe. He wants me.

Faithful January 16, 2007

02 December 2006

This past summer and school year have been difficult. But, today as I reflected back on what I have experienced, I realize how faithful the Lord has been to me along he way. It is humbling for me to see how He so weaves my/our lives so that most circumstances, sufferings, and hidden joys begin to make a pattern that I/we can somehow begin to understand and even rejoice over. I say most, for some are mystery as He is, in part, mystery. To speak of my own life in specifics instead of generalizations (which is hard for me to do, but here I go), I feel like I need to share what He is doing in my life. He may be doing far bigger things in other’s lives, but for me, this is enough.I had a pretty rough summer physically, mentally, and emotionally and it has continued on through this school year (I think in school years b/c I am a teacher). To top it all off, two weeks ago I had to have my gallbladder removed. Everything happened so quickly that I didn’t have a chance to even wonder about how I would pay for it, how long it would take to recover, if it would affect my grad. work, etc. So, today I had one of those “aha” moments when things seem to come together and you see the tapestry instead of the threads. Only He knew what this summer and this semester would bring in my life, including these past two weeks. Only He knew that this semester’s classes (I am working on my masters) needed to be far less work than previous classes. Only He knew that Thanksgiving break and two snow days would fall on the days that I would have otherwise taken as sick days. Only He knew that the electric company would find money it owed me during the month when I would have to spend quite a bit on Dr.’s visits and hopsital bills. He is faithful.

A Valley Surrender January 16, 2007

18 October 2006

A Valley Surrender

I surrender to the valley that You have etched out for me.
Instead of longing for a mountaintop view,
Give me eyes to see Your glory in the deep,
Give me Life from the middle waters.
May I find Your rest in the mountain shade,
Your hope in the sun as it brings a new day.
Give me ears to hear the trees clap in praise to You,
To hear the rocks as they cry out Your name in worship.
You are closer to me than the wind,
More faithful to me than the ground beneath my feet.
In the night may I see Your promise in the stars,
Your Light that dispels the dark.
Cause stone to turn to flesh,
Clay of the earth to become a vessel.
Break up the fallow ground,
Pour out Your rain of righteousness.
Kernel of wheat, in your death is Life,
Seed of the mustard, in your smallness is great faith.
For in the valley dwells a Spirit of learning and living,
The mountain top a Spirit of reflection and solitude.